At 9:30 pm, I get an All-call from the school board. "School will be delayed two hours in the morning due to icy conditions." Great, I think, there goes my day. In less than two minutes, I am grumbling as I mentally try to rearrange my to-do list and plans for the following day. By the time I get him to school, I will have lost half my work day. I can't get anything accomplished! I can't start project A without being able to complete it, move on to B and C or else I will be stuck with a HUGE argument that I can't win and isn't worth fighting. UGH!!!
But then I crack open the little's door (who should be sleeping), turn down his TV and proceed to tuck him in (again). I tell him he has thirty more minutes of his Christmas movie ONLY because he gets to sleep in the next morning. His face says it all, with a smile that lights up his whole demeanor. And just for a moment I remember what it means to be little and get even a partial "snow day." And I find myself smiling too. Can we make a special breakfast? Can I watch cartoons before school? Can I play outside if it snows?
Gone were all the concerns about work, deadlines and customer emails. **It happens. Roll with it. So after setting the timer on his TV (again), a kiss and lights out, I posted an auto-reply for my email system noting the morning closure and telling my customers to be safe on the roads. Somehow, I instantly felt ten years younger.
We had a hot breakfast in our PJs watching Disney cartoons, usually a Saturday-only treat. We talked and laughed and sang silly Christmas carols while we got dressed. We wrapped his exchange gifts for the holiday party and made his bed. We even walked the dog in the drippy, misty cold. It was a great morning, and a pretty good day despite the grey, dreary weather. I didn't get ANY work done from my to-do list, focusing instead on household chores. Hopefully, that frees up a few hours to help me catch up. The day got progressively warmer and the drizzle stopped. By the time I picked him up from tutoring, it was 56 degrees out.
I woke today to the bright, shiny, smog-free, day-after-rain, amazing blue sky morning. I threw open the curtains to let the sunshine in. The birds were everywhere. Back to our regular, hectic, slightly frantic morning routine. What a difference those two hours make. We talked on the way to school about how much we love nature, and how important it is to preserve it for future generations. Clean air, clean water, green space, healthy trees and lakes and rivers. My goal with this chat is to get him on board for the radical food changes coming to our house next year. Knowing I'm going to need back-up to convince the junk-food addicted spouse, I want a partner in this that understands my motivation. But where it went surprised me...
"Because God wants us to," he added. He's been studying Genesis in his youth group and it's apparently sinking in. "He said it's our job to look after the whole earth, and the animals and each other. He said it would be hard." I know he loves going to his youth group, looks forward to it all week, and I know they do a lot of fun stuff together. During Sunday services, he tends to be shy and quiet. We don't talk a lot about religion in general, just our daily prayers and when bad things happen.
I've always wanted him to find his own faith and beliefs, not just parrot mine. I feel pretty strongly that religion should not be "installed" in children, but rather sought out by them with genuine interest. That surrounding them with love and religion, in their lives and homes, is better done by our actions than our words. Not that you shouldn't say the words, but that you shouldn't just teach them to repeat the words without understanding them. To me, religion must be in your heart, it's not just the ability to recite verse. This is not a popular idea where I live, and it will no doubt piss off a few people who read this.
When we do talk about it, I tell him that I believe certain things, but some people don't. We've talked about other religions, the holidays that they celebrate, and how we should all be respectful of other people's beliefs. It's not a competition. I find great comfort in my faith, in really knowing that there is something greater than myself, and some people don't have that. "I think that's sad," he says. "I know there's a God. Everything I have and everything I see is because of Him."
So this year, when my holiday spirit has been lagging, and my shopping list very spare, I have received the best gift. It wasn't a lot of money, or a gadget or a great new job. I got validation, in the deepest place in my heart, that he truly gets it. That he has chosen to have a strong relationship with God. That he wants to read the Bible and understand what it means for him. That he understands the meaning of Christmas, and it isn't Santa. Today, in the clear blue light of day, I am reminded to see what really matters.
Another tough year may be ahead of us. Certainly my resolutions will cause a few disagreements, perhaps even some shouting, and lamenting the loss of chips and pre-packaged sugary treats. I have chosen a difficult path fraught with pitfalls and challenges. But that is nothing new for me. For now, though, I am going to focus on enjoying the holiday break, the remainder of the year, my granddaughter's first Christmas and being a tourist in my own town.
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